God is good...all the time?

 I sat quietly in the cozy pew, well perhaps not so cozy,  it was a  church pew, and yes, a church pew is the last one to have a feel of cozy...perchance it's an anti-sleep mechanism, for it is not proper to sleep through the service and other rituals of worship, though a few claim sleep in church is pardonable, for the peace that therein dwells confers upon one the tendency to go into a tranquil trance...until the clergy says amen atleast...but that's beside the point, I sat in the pew, and folks often chymed, 'God is good' with a unison  self reply 'all the time' or the alternative which seems more personal 'I can testify'... I chose to stick to the former, I wasn't sure there was much I could testify about...but somehow I knew God was and is good, I just couldn't figure out which part of my life had been touched by his goodness...I had  my daily bread yes, and so did everybody else I knew...I had proper clothing, had gotten my degree, I had a good job, still needed to find myself a befitting eve, one who would not be beguiled into anything sinister, but look, every other man, woman had the same...

For this reason, I felt obliged to agree 'God is good, all the time'...I just wasn't convinced I had much to testify about his dealings with me...I was very ordinary...mundane...

So I turned to my neighbor, he had a low threshold for repulsion...I figured he needed more grace than I did, or he was more righteous than I was, fiddling in the Holy place...but somehow,  he managed to hold it in, he realized he needed to tame his passions, he needed to be kind...he smiled and turned to me, yet still giving me the cue that I needed not fidget in church...I diliberately ignored his cue...I needed to know something.."you say, God is good, and you can testify...how so?" That was easy ,he quickly replied "I'm alive today..im in good health... I still retain my strength of youth...I have a good family" he should have gone further had I not interrupted "oh I see. I have a near exact fitting list as yours...but somehow I don't know if I'm able to testify. What you have just told me doesn't set you apart, there's myriad with that resume." He looked me in the eye, with some oddity...perhaps I had spoken heresy...but he held it in, he was cool calm and collected, outwardly anyway..."Then you my good friend have reason to testify of God's goodness...you are not down with a fatal illness, you're not bankrupt. You're not a social misfit...you should thank the Lord " he said with a tinge of self fulfillment, more like he had won a soul for heaven..."so what happens to the lame, the ones with terminal illnesses, the pauper, the social misfits. ..are they not bathed with God's goodness?" He didn't like my question but he was more educated in the rites of worship,  he was obliged to respond." They too are under God's goodness" "so what about should they testify,  if I may ask?" I posed the question."they are alive...it's good enough." He affirmed. "Good enough for them? Would it be good enough for you?" I perched through his reasoning. He was at near loss for words. "I would not wish to be in their lot, but that they be in mine...yet, in anycase, the Lord is good...I'm not sure if they can testify to that, but I know he is good" he said...I had drawn out a confession from his bossom.."you're right..God is good, even if we have little to recognize as something to testify. Pain may abound, ills may flourish, but while there be any good , let us acknowledge it as a token of God's goodness" he smiled..I was not so damned after all...God's goodness may be masked up by prevailing ills, yet let us trust that he is good, and that all things, whatever they be, work together for the good to those who love the lord...remembering that the Lord's goodness may lead us in the valley of the shadow of death, yet sooner of later , he shall lead us by the quiet waters, sit us on a decked table, and anoint us with mercy...love...

Ignorance is bliss?

 Ignorance is bliss when peril is not anticipated, when no dissipation lurks in the mind, yet , though at times pardonable, we must not freely give our minds to its clutches , fetters that seldom leave without one being maimed. The mind must be rid of the dirt, the grit of its scathing debris. This may be attained in ways varied, books being a more sure way I must admit. If you should desire some knowledge from me, I would give it to you, if I did have it, in plain language, in the spoken word, yet if what you would desire be a deeper trough of it, I should add that you grant me time to put it in writing , for then I would be more precise ,more accurate than if I were to throw up a mumble of words in concert, speaking, unless of course I did that while reading. 

But that's not my point, this is: that one ,if not all, distance him/herself from willful ignorance, with the exception to that which corrupts the fabric of morality, or that which is humanly unatainable, or that which is a prerogative of the divine; for not all things are within our grasp. 

One who is in the 'know' does not feast on fables, speculations or uncanny opinions, often replete with falsity. All mattters, in whatever sphere of life; religion, politics, or that which may be termed science,  must be carefully scrutinized or studied directly, or indirectly through the aid of others, before we fix our feet firmly in the ground. Speculation and superstition find a neat hub in ignorance ,dare not dock at its port...

The steepled church

 As per custom, as a 'good' lad , though that's debatable for I had my own flaws, I made my way to the little steepled church. An old family tradition, one I had come to cherish, yet more than just a tradition, it was closely knit to eternal matters. I was at pains when I missed attendance. 

I knew it was neither the walls nor the other architectural fittings that made for a good place of worship, yet somehow over the the years, everything seemed to have formed a compact conglomerate, one could barely separate the pieces -the mundane from the substance of great worth. 

I walked in with near tremulous frame, for the 'holy' feel was somehow perceptible. The mood was different once one made his way into the sacred in. Even babes somehow understood, they hushed their cries, but for a few who still needed to be tamed as it were. But of course, this was just tradition, the real deal was hid well within one's heart chambers. Nontheless a solemnity gripped one upon stepping foot on the isle. 

Ushered to a neatly placed pew, I sat and joined the joyous strains of  music. Discord was pardonable, yet not condoned, hymn books with musical notations were provided to repress the same. Unfortunately, I was not schooled in the art of reading music or proper singing for that matter, but the wording provided kept me from delving off kilter, into a lane of confabulation. I relied more on singing by the ear, picking up tunes as they were sung by those whose tongues did not lisp over the notes. Albeit I enjoyed the good music, especially if I did not add my own discord to it. For I often could tell the disturbance I made by the look of a neighbour or two. In such cases I would slip into miming, producing no discordant sound yet keeping my heart and lips paced with everyone else. 

With the singing halted and other rituals performed to the letter, the pulpit became the center of attraction. Silence was almost audible as the clergy stood upfront before a word fell from his lips. We cared less of the nerves that may have been wreaking havoc in his body as he stood, for a man indeed he was, and somehow the spirit would keep his frame in check we believed. For it was a solemn thing to speak in behalf of the Lord. 

We took in all he said, and reference was made to holy writ as expected. Yet before he could really get to the gist of the matter, a tapping noise caught my attention, and I believe I was not the only one whose threshold for disturbance was low. I turned tactfully lest I became a snare too. I saw a lady trying to get to one of the rear pews. She was a little confounded as she was directed to a middle row pew, for she feared the noise made by her heels would attract  unnecessary attention to her. She struggled between trying to walk quickly and tip toe silently. One could easily tell she was new. Her form bore no familiar marks. 

As the service came to an end, all walked out and engines roared as folks prepared to hit the road. Others formed micells as it were, for a chat. The lady, almost unnoticed by the common eye, walked to her vehicle ready to take leave. I decided to walk over to her,  but another elderly man beat me to it. But I kept close, granting me opportunity to eve's drop. The man greeted her with a warm smile. She reciprocated. "Hey, I'm Ronny. I'm a bit of an ol'timer at this church. I couldn't help notice your presence. Is this your first coming here?" He inquired. "Oh, I'm Ann. And ya, it's my first coming here." She replied. "That's great. So are you from around here?" He said. "Actually I am. But I don't do church and all. I'm actually surprised I'm here today myself. But I guess I had too." She said. "Oh. Is that so. If you don't mind sharing a bit more why you decided to come over today, I have all thetime. I have spent much of my busy life already, I can afford to slow down." He added. For a while she hesitated. But then she agreed. She was as open as one could be. "...I have for long lived in the lap of luxury. I haven't know much want. In fact I still retain much wealth if that still counts. Yet for a little while I have been placed up against the wall. I have a medical condition, which I may not be so comfortable sharing with you right now. And I'm told I don't have much to time on my watch. The prognosis is grim..." She said. "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that." He said. "My case has become an academic learning curve. Not much can be done about it." She said as she laboured hard to conceal her emotional pain. Tears should have dropped, but she kept them well in, though her eyes had begun turning red. "For some reason, I know not,  I felt I should visit a church. I have heard many of your claims. I would pay you handsomely for a return of my goodhealth, but I'm low on faith. Bear with me, I have a problem believing this will go away. However, something caught my attention, you claim there is 'hope beyond the grave'. I wanted to know more about that. Perhaps I've to a occlusion I'd rather die believing there is a God who has claim over my life and die to discover I was wrong, than to believe there is no God and to die only to find out there is a God. Hence my coming." She continued. For a while, Mr Ronny kept silent, then spoke up. "I believe you have come to the right place. We may not give out healing in tablets or capsules, yet the Lord in his own time may grant your desire. The men of learning in the health facilities are too his workmanship and they serve to relieve the physically aflicted, which He too, does, even better. And you have heard right, there is hope beyond the grave, this I will need to explain in a bit more detail. I pray you grant me opportunity to do so..." He said. She lighted up a bit. They agreed on some randezvous to discuss on the matters at hand. Soon the conversation ended. 

As Mr Ronny left. I quickly stepped in the gap, just before she could take leave. "Hello. Pardon my intrusion. I'm Dan. How did you find worship?" I said. "Worship?"  She inquired. I realized I had used a foreign term. "Sorry, I meant church."  "Oh. It was fine. Not as I had anticipated. For a while I felt you guys were a little cold. But I guess I was mistaken." She said. "Unfortunately, church folks have flaws too, sometimes they may be cold, but you won't refrain from going to the hospital just because some patients are not responding to treatment will you?" I added. She smiled. "You know what. You are right. Perhaps I need to hear more about this church business thing and all, maybe it's what the Dr ordered." She said. Soon we too parted. The little steepled church was empty one again. Though it's doors were open should anyone desire to be within it's precincts.

A different shoe size-the circle

Ding-dong, Ding-dong! I ran the bell. I had paid an early morning visit to Zack. It wasn't an entirely innocent visit. I had come to find out whether he was still having a raincheck on Harrison's invitation. And, once the weather showed 'clear skies', I had to ask him to convince Tanya to tag along. I knew she couldn't say no. She was tied to him in ways I didn't fully comprehend, maybe Shawn was the tie.
"Hold on, I'm coming!" The response came. "Oh Vince, what a pleasant surprise. What brings you this early. Don't tell me, you've come to convince me to join you in your early morning marathons." Zack said. "Oh no, marathon? Nay. Well perhaps another day, I've become a bit of a couch potato myself of late. Perhaps we can spur up each other, you know, like good buddies should. What do think nha?" To this I got a reply in a cool, calm and collected manner, 'No.'  I wasn't going to make a bone of contention lest I lose sight of my chief aim for the day.
"You got the wrong end of the stick Zack, I really just came to see you. Hoping you'll take a leaf too." I said. "Ok. Lesson learnt." Zack replied. "Now could you lend me a hand, I need to change my rear tyre, and put some new seat covers in my car. Oh and I got the front door fixed too." Zack requested and sure was I quick to agree, I needed as much leverage as I could earn for my own request. "She's a beauty, don't  you think?" Zack spoke with a smile. "No Zack, it's a car, not a 'she with a personality'. It's nice yes, but you still got to get a new one. It's outlived it's viability. With all these new parts you keep on putting on, the only thing that will remain of the original car will be you." I said, though my words seemed to fall on flint stone. But I guess that was still okay, for I needed him in good spirits.
"Hey Zack, do you know what day it is today." I asked. "It's Sunday, why do you ask?" He said. Naturally,  Zack had an Elephant's memory, unlike mine that was just above that of a hen. He couldn't possibly have forgotten. Either he was pretending or it was of little importance to him. "Doesn't that ring a bell?" I said. "Vince, if bells should be ringing at the mention of days, I'ld go crazy don't you think?" He responded with laughter. "Oh I see, I guess it's of little consequence to you that today is 'Sunday', the day Harrison invited us for a fun fishing spree. Oh, and Tanya really wanted you to be there. And just to think of it, did you really mean to have a raincheck or it was just one of those things? Ahh well, guess it's gonna be Harrison, Tanya and I. " I said. He wouldn't give an inch to any of my leads, guess I was just clutching the straws now. "Okay, slow down. All you needed to do was remind me, then ask if I was up for it. Look, even if I'm not a whim for fun and games, I'm a whim for you two, and Shawn now. Count me in. Infact, I do need a little breather, junior here cut through my lovely pants and coat, I had left a pair of scissors lying around on the couch. I need a breather." Zack said.
"Wow" I was stunned. I went through all that. This was a perfect example of 'putting one's  foot in it.' Now I had to convince Tanya. I called her. "Hey Tanya, good morning. Zack and I will be heading out with Harry. Would love to have you around. Zack says he would love you to come along." "Oh, fishing, right. I don't know. But I guess I can't let you guys go out and have all the fun alone. And you definitely need me to tame your excitement, lest something unwarranted happens." She replied. If ever there was an antonym for 'Murphys law' it would be 'Vince's law', whatever can go right, will go right.

Zack and I went to pick up Tanya, while we would meet up with Harry at his home and he would lead us to the spot. I couldn't help but notice that everybody's outfit seemed to make mine appear more of theatre scrubs, but of course I had nothing to lose, I wasn't going to get into any scrupples. "Hey harry, I heard through the grapevines that you are quite the fisher, is it so?" I probed. "Well, I don't wanna fish for compliments, so I'll just say, 'when the tides' are in one's favour, with some experience, a good catch is usually assured. And like the blind, one has to throw in the line in darkness as it were, it's a fish or cut the bait situation." He said. Harry, it seemed, was not only schooled in good manners, but also in that which polished one's speach. A good orator. He spoke with such composure and confidence, you could not pick up a lie if he told one.
"What about you Zack, any idea about fishing, should we expect a catch or perhaps you'll provide the bait?" I said this with a brotherly tease. And if ever, he should take offence, I was ready to swallow gall for mercy. "Well, I have a few fingers
steeped in the rural lands, I may not return mastery of the fishing trade, yet I know that one does not beat his breast for failing a catch in a day or two, perhaps more. Rather he tries again and again, each time employing a method novel, without neglecting the former. He does not take nature's law to be naive, for all things seek  preservation. So if you fail to get a catch, the fish that escapes your hook will be fed with your bait and live to multiply." He added. I guess he gave reason for Tanya and I to give it a shot too.
When you surround yourself with  companions that have breadth of knowledge and experience, you invest in a good company, and the returns are sure. Losses abound if you neglect to use scrutiny when building a company of friends, close friends. This is not to suggest one disconnects himself from the myriad of them that lurk the peripheral zone. Like any enterprise, there are shares that vote and shares that do not vote, yet, needless to say whether they have the power to vote or not may not count on who stays in or out, each has a rightful place.
After a long ride, we had finally arived. We were greeted by the untainted air of the outskirts. The place was a game and pleasure resort, that had a water body passing through its premises and artificially enlarged to create way for boating. We were given each a fishing rode, and a bowl of bait, worms. I had carried a basket, just in case I got enough to land a fair meal, if I caught edibles. The others did too.

I sat by the banks while the trio decided to fish from the boat. I didn't have the zest for adrenaline. Fishing on the boat was probably on the list of 'a thousand ways to die'. The minutes where ticking, but my line was not active. I threw it a little further, and in no time, the 'bouyoy' begun to dance around. There were other folks too along the banks.
One spoke up, "Your bait will turn to feed if you don't pull out your line, mr. I've fed them fish long enough today. You don't wanna waste your bait." I appreciated the the little heads up.  I pulled the line while coiling it up as fast as I could. And there it was, a big catch.  I was however disgruntled when I realized my catch was 'catfish', with its long barbels like whiskers. I watched it  dangle on the line. "My only catch turned out to be catfish! What a dumpener" I morned. Anyway, perhaps it was a harbinger of good things to come. As I was about to let it go back into the water, a neighbour requested to have it. I gave it to him.
I continued to throw the fishing line, but this time I caught only reeds and more reeds. My breakthrough consolation catch came atlast. It was something slightly larger than a sardine. I threw it in my basket. But while it still retained breath in its gills I gently placed it back in the water to freely swim away.
The sun was setting. I took my empty busket as I waited for the others to get back on land. I saw a few folks with scores of fish. I knew every fish had a price and if counted priceless, I knew everyman had one above his head. I offered to buy the fish, just enough to fill my basket with some pride. Done deal! I was smiling, and the seller too. He came for spot, but ended up a lucrative fishmonger.
Soon Harry came along. "Where are the two?" I asked him. "Oh they are coming. We had a great catch. Zack and Tanya seemed to have 'caught' each other too." He said as he almost staggered with his fish laden baskets. His speech however had left me bewildered.  I tried to put two and two together, yet I still found myself out of touch with what he meant. I followed him and ask for clarity. "Hey Harry, what do you mean, 'caught each other'?"
"Oh, sorry for speaking vaguely. The two just decided to give each other a chance. They proposed "He said. "What! Are you serious. How come. I thought you and Tanya...." I said in shock.
And still in all this, a calmness pervade his demeanor. He was a strange lad. I was almost going hey wire as though I had been dumped with a slap in public. Here was something worthy of note. In any and possibly every turn of events, it is wise to postpone judgement till the facts have being gathered,  and  scrutinized. Mastering one's emotions will save him great woe, and confer him control over one who fails to put them under his reigns. "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Calm down. It's alright. I'm happy for them. I think you should too, unless you had an eye for her too, I'm kidding." He said and then continued." Well you see. When Tanya conceived even before we got married, I was devastated. I loved her and you can imagine what must have been running through my mind. But I let the anger get the better of me. I didn't leave room reason. I decided to end it with Tanya and I cut all communication with her. I managed to put her down as an experience. About a year later I begun to see another lady. We are still together and hoping she will honour me by walking down the Isle in white. When I called to talk to Tanya, I really wanted to set things straight. I had moved on quite alright, but Tanya still had a special place in my heart. I needed to make amends. When we met over dinner, I explained everything to her and she also explained her side of the story. We had a mutual understanding. She did mention seeing me was like relieving her past experience but I had hoped it would not be thus with time. I hoped, and perhaps still do, we can make new memories. We may not erase the past, but we may cast a blind eye on it perhaps. She told me how you and Zack prevented her from terminating the pregnancy, and even taking care of the child. That was exceptional. It's
worthy of note. From the way she spoke about Zack, I could sense some closeness beyond the child. I had hoped, perchance, Zack would see her as a possible life companion. And who knows, maybe you guys coming here was the perfect  recipe to get them to see things in a different light."
By the time he was done talking I was almost shading a tear, but I kept it in. I shook his hand and gave him a gentleman's hug, a semi hug. In a few moments meeting he had managed to distill all pride and self filled ambition out of me. I was almost ready to follow should he say, 'you shall no longer catch fish, for I will make you a fisher of men'. He lacked however, the the title of son of God and a mission to save lost mankind. I had a master in the creator already.
The duo soon approached. I dared not interrogate them. I beheld their near empty baskets. I stooped to get some from mine and put them equally in their's. "My pride I put in your baskets, not for you to take it up, but to roast it in the hot coals of the brai ." I said this and requested for a group hug. The only time I had actually hugged Tanya, in a group hug.

A different sized shoe-nature's bestoment

"Anyone for some yogurt?" Zack called out. "Well, count me in, I wouldn't miss a chance like that." I retorted . " Well ya, me too. I so looooove yogurt. But wait,  why yogurt, this has never happened, are we missing something?" Tanya added with a little bewildered facade. "It's a first. There's a first for everything right?" He responded in anticipation that we would just let it pass. No sir, we did not. We gave him a daring stare hoping to tease out anything out of the ordinary. Well I couldn't stand the non verbal interrogation,  I walked up to him and got myself one of the delightful pleasures.  Soon he owned up. "Okay, okay, you got me. They were actually meant for Shawn. But he didn't like them, the flavor anyway, so I thought hey, I have two sweet tooth buddies, and guess what, they look awful lot like you two!" He spoke with a heavenly smile. We had our 'awe' moment, interlaced with warm fuzzy feelings.
Just then, a call came in. Tanya's phone
was ringing. For some reason, she didn't want to pick up. When it rang again she asked me to pick up and inform the caller that she was busy. I picked up and who should I hear? It was Harrison. "It's Harrison" I whispered, "Should I give it to you?" I asked Tanya. She hesitated, then finally she said I could tell him she was busy.  "Kindly let her know that I called, and I would like us to talk. Thank you" He said as he cut the call. We brushed off the interlude and continued in our short lived fare dine. We had to get back to work.  For about a week, Harrison had tried to get a hold of Tanya, albeit she gave him the dumper, the silent treatment. Well at last with his persistence, she responded, only to let him know she would see whether or not it would be possible to 'talk'. "What do you think, should I go ahead and talk to him? He wants to come pick me up after work so we go over for dinner at some eating place.  I really don't feel like it though, I'ld prefer not digging up my past again, it's a painful undertaking." Tanya queried as we had our usual midday break.
"Tanya, I think everybody deserves a hearing. That's just my take. I mean, even the court gives a benefit of the doubt to everyone, even those caught in the act are treated innocent until proven guilty" I added. Zack too, was with me on this one. "Are you sure?" Tanya asked. "Affirmative, and in any case, we will have plenty of tissue for this one" Zack answered with chuckles. But of course we allowed her to think through it, till she too was in concert.
Just as we walked out onto the parking lot, Harrison wheeled in. Couldn't have timed us better. He got out of his car to give us a gentleman's greeting. Overly mannered as usual. And before he took our lovely Tanya away, he paused for a while as if entranced in thought, then turned and spoke up, "would you fine gentlemen care to join in  for fishing one of these days, let's say this coming Sunday?" Harrison asked. "That sounds great, we'll  just need to do a raincheck on that thought" Zack responded while I stooped to tie my laces, only to realize my shoes had no laces, so I dusted the invisible dust instead. This I did to avoid being the one to answer. Perhaps I would have been an easy buy.
Just then I turned to my beautiful spot, SUV, it cast a shadow on Zack's little pigeot, but he didn't mind, never a time did he come down with sour grapes. Then I immediately heard chuckles behind me. "What now?" I asked. "Look on your forward right tyre" Zack said. And what should I see, a clamp on my tyre. What err did I do? And there was no 'security' in sight, what a dumper!  "You can always go with me, you'll find it tomorrow" Zack suggested, but I was bent on waiting to have my car freed from its fetters. "Here Vince, you can use my car for today, then you can pick me up tomorrow morning when coming" Tanya said as she whisked the keys at me.
Hers was not so manly to my taste but it sure did have some good looks on. "I'll take it, it's a deal. Oh and thanks for the offer Zack. I owe you one" I said as we all called it a day, perhaps Tanya and Harrison's was just beginning.
Early morning I went to pick up Tanya. She was running late, not surprising. I threatened to leave as she was delaying me, but somehow she managed to molify my waning temperament. We made a deal, she was to set my car free, at a fee. On our way, I ventured to find out how her day had been."So, how did dinner turn out?" "Oh it turned out perfectly fine. They have  quite a fine cuisine, perhaps we need to try it out one of these days." She said. "Oh, okay great. I'm must say I'm so not surprised" I added. "And what's that supposed to mean?" She recoiled. "Oh, just that really. Last I checked 'surprised' didn't have many definitions, and the few there are, are all well known by you. Need I run you through? Okay, surprised: being caused to feel surprise, amazement... surprise: noun-something unexpected ,verb..."
 " Okay, okay. Stop it! I hear, you needn't go through all that. You know I don't like to talk about my past, it's a shame and you know it. That I have my sanity intact today is because of friends like you and Zack. Harry...well Harry is part of that history or a big reminder of it, and don't think I really wanna talk about it right now. Maybe later." She interrupted. "Well you know what they say,' friends are there when need 'em, and they are there when you don't. And right now we're probably on the 'don't'." I added. "Vince, please. Don't make me feel bad about all this. It's a little to early to stress out, I got work to attend to, I need my mind in one piece." She continued. "Okay, ma'am. Your wish is my command. All I was getting at, however was that talking helps. Infact, it's half the problem solved, of course as long as you are talking to someone who cares." I reiterated. "Just out curioaity. How does Zack succeed getting you talking?" To this I got no reply and probably silence was a better answer. I wondered whether it was in the tone, the non verbal cues, or the hug that melted the ice, but I guess nature had not bestowed upon one such as I the ability to appeal to the emotional state of another, especially Tanya. My emotional quotient was in the dregs, and I needed a forklift out of the mire.
An awful silence pervaded the milieu. I couldn't stand the silence. I begun to hum a song I had heard  a while ago. Couldn't quite recall the wording, but my mind was a forthcoming  ally, a great filler of gaps, confabulation. "Hmmmmm, I see trees are green, roses red, violets purple, birds flying through the skies, then I sing to my self..." Just then a second voice joined,
"I see trees of green,
Red roses too.
I see them bloom,
For me and you.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world!
I see skies of blue,
And clouds of white.
The bright blessed day,
The dark sacred night.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world!"
"Wow, Tanya. You can sing? Wow!" I spoke in amazement. "Well ya, a little. I used to sing a lot when I was still young, then the growth spurt happened, and I guess I developed new interests." She added.
"You know what, Like you, I loved singing when I was still a little tender shoot. But that, together with a host of others, were buried. Of late, however, I've begun to unearth a few of them. I realize they are the pieces that make who I am. I'm obliged to be 'the doctor' while at work yet away from that I have a life, not with any obligation.
 Allow me to state that the creator has imbued in each one of us tastes so varied one from another. We each are peculiar. We are born with an  innate ability, perhaps an unalienable gift at birth. And truth be told, we derive our greatest pleasure when we work towards these bestoments, and even greater pleasure when they are used to bring a smile to others.
Have you noticed a physician, or any other worker in any field of his calling, with an ever pleasing 'halo'  around him, a charming speach, an attitude with gratitude, perhaps with a tinge of alacrity? Odds are that he or she has harnessed one or more of the said bestomments to his, and by extension to other's benefit." I said with a touch of inspiration that seemed to send shock wAves to my own ears. "Wow, Vince, you speak as one who has been stained with wisdom of the ancients" Tanya said with chuckles. "Thanks V" she added. "What for, driving you to work in your own car? It's my pleasure." I said with a smile. "You never cease to amaze me" Tanya said while I added, "I never wish to cease. I never wish to" we laughed . Perhaps our shoes were now of the same mould. Perhaps two could disagree on a point and still be best buddies, tempers need not flare up. Though much in common, we are all different, each has a unique individuality, and perhaps one need not strive to disolve it into another's form or coerce another into his.

Shoe sized selfless

"Who's getting us lunch today? Hhhm, I got us lunch that day, then you Vince, then Tanya, Tanya again, whoow! Tanya again, okay then me then you Vince. Aaaah, it's me  again today! Why do I feel like I'm always the one to get us lunch when it really matters?" Zack protested, but of course his own tablature could not grant him an opportunity to put his feet on the ground. The protest was over. The lot had fallen on him once again, it was only natural that it should. "Don't worry bro., I got your back. I brought my appetite with me, so non of the food you get us will go to waste, especially because I'm sure there will be no bones to chew on, unless you have a new breed of vegetarian meals with a few in" I mocked. "Okay, eveybody, let's go" Zack said as he led the way. "Where are we going Zack, are you taking for lunch at your place?" Tanya asked. "My place? No Tanya. If we go at my place you will all join in the cooking, unless that is what you all want, I have no problem with that." Zack said as he wore a scheming smile, as if he could read our minds. "Oh, no, no. It's okay! Anywhere but your place right now, later can do for that" Tanya responded, while I nodded in support. "Well then, buckle up. I'm taking you for a ride. Oh, and Vince, you take the back seat, and once we get where we are going, kindly open the door for Tanya, her door only opens from outside. Don't worry I plan to get a new one soon, been making a few savings." Zack said as we entered his 'old faithful'. "You mean you will be getting a new door? Hhhhm, interesting." I said with a jolly smile. "Of course not, I mean a new car, nothing fancy ,just something to get me going. I'll leave the fancies to you" He objected. "Should we be worried about anything else, Zack, perhaps the rear doors don't lock, just in case?" I asked with a little muse. For this I received no answer, save a friendly warning that I would foot the bill, should I continue to malign his lovely pigeot.
We had arrived. And like we had rehersed, I got out of the car, and walked to the  front passenger's seat and opened the door for Tanya. Perhaps a display of unprecedented courtesy on my part. I was learning the lessons well.
 "Okay, here we are. Just what the doctor orderd. A Japanese restaurant. So what will you take? Anyone for Sushi?" As he grinned a broad smile. Tanya and I were not ready for 'try outs' . We asked for any alternatives and sure enough, we got some, 'hot curry rice, and baked leaks with a deep'. I tried the chopsticks, but it was evident that it would take an eternity for me to finish my meal if I dared venture in such a novelty. I liked the curry rice, though the 'hot' part made one need an air corn in the oral cavity.
Before we could finish up our meal, Tanya seemed to be turning a little pale and sweaty. "Oh, oh oooooh,my stomach hurts!" She grinched and added, ' I think I'm having contractions." Without hesitation we rushed her back to the car and drove her to back to the hospital.
Her 'LNMP' and 'EDD', estimated date of delivery, showed that she was due in a  fortnight. But medicine, like my good old professors would say, doesn't read text books so she was in labour anyhow. We waited patiently in the corridors for
nature's transformation to take its course. We hoped for no instrumentation. Zack was sweating as though he too had somehow gone into labour. He paced the corridors. He was as one who had come down with akathesia ( a feeling of restlessness with an inability to sit still due to a subjective desire to move). He kept on looking at the time on his wrist watch, I wondered if he was given the task of being the time keeper. Soon his nerves took the better of him, and he crouched into the Labour room. And just then, the little lad was out. But no ululations yet. The rite of passage could not be complete without the baby accepting it's new home-earth, with breathable air, this acknowledged by 'the cry'. With a little rub while drying out the liquor,  it cried, 'it is done!' perhaps. One may burst into all forms of frenzied noise.
Tanya had given birth to a baby boy. So perhaps Zack now had a heir to his throneless kingdom. Tanya wept as she was handed the baby after the cleansing rite. To the onlooker, it was a natural phenomenon, a cry of victory for bringing forth a new life. Yet for Tanya, the sight of her babe conjured up a host of memories, some not worthy of recall. She realized, this would not have been save, perhaps, for the intervention of Zack who too perhaps was moved by a hand unseen by the natural eye. Whispers of heavenly sentinels may perchance have wrought such a decision. She recalled the shame she had brought upon herself. Her tears rolled. I had my handkerchief.  I handed it to her, but before she could use it, I realized I had not cleaned it proper. I withdrew my courtesy, and instead tapped Zack on the back, and as a apt reader of non verbal cues, he got some tissue to wipe her tears.
We left the hospital and took her home. She was to nurse the lad for the first six months of his life, though provision was made should she decide to opt out. Zack and I got all the necessities for the young lad, and we visited Tanya as oft as we could while she took leave from work.
At six months, Tanya took the weaned little lad to Zack who had been rehearsing on how to play 'daddy' for quite some time. Tanya was freed from all responsibility towards Shawn, as Zack had named him. She was free to become the woman she had wanted, a second chance at life? Perhaps.  We had agreed never to talk about Shawn in the presence of Tanya, lest we arouse a mother's sympathy and cause more grief.  For a while she manged to keep it all cool. Yet with the passage of time, the cords of love drew her to her babe, as she peradventure brought to memory how she had him suckle at her breast. She would feign see him. Zack noted deliveries at his home ranging from formula feed to diapers from an unknown source. Of course one needn't be a detective to have Tanya as first suspect.  With a little interrogation,  she owned up. A plea of 'guilty' was made, and this was followed by a request for an indulgence to continue doing the same till she had finally moved on. Her request was granted with a pinch of salt.
 "Look here Tanya, I'm doing this for you. At the end of the day, if Shawn being with me is killing you, then I would gladly hand him over to you. I have no intention, at all, of causing you pain. That I decided to keep the child was simply to prevent you from taking a life. This, perhaps would have been more hurtful to you than the first err." Zack said as Tanya had made a surprise visit to his home. "I hear you, I really do. I just don't know what to do now. I gave over the child to you, and technically I have no child, for without you, chances are high I would have aborted. But now, I have this strange desire to somehow be part of his life. Yet I don't think I'm ready to be with him, the thought of my prior intentions would crush me." She said as a weeping willow.
"Look, I stand here not knowing how it must feel to give birth and believe me, I'm content in my ignorance. I have helped many a mother  deliver, yet I'm bareft of the tie that binds mother to child. Perhaps the ordeal one goes through makes the cord even stronger. I did not experience the abrupt gain in weight, the pica, the flaring up of hormones. You did." Zack spoke in tones so sweet, he would almost burst into tears himself, but then again, men don't cry- they just get dust in their eyes. With a warm countenance, he said,"You know what, it's true you waived your right over this child. But beyond all the technicalities and legalities,  he is more of yours than he is mine. May I suggest that you become his aunt, and since an aunt is technically family, you are free to come over and see him as much as you want. And in future, should yout decide to have him back, I will gladly waive my adoption rights. But for now, grant that I take care of him." "A few years back, I thought I had seen an angel, I guess I wasn't wrong. It was not a delusion, I really did see one, and I'm looking at him right now."  Tanya iterated.
Perhaps angels sometimes do take the form of men, mortals. One needn't, perhaps, mount up with wings or ware a garb of the brightest light to be one. We miss a great opportunity when we speak with indifference to the aching soul, when we treat with contempt the downtrodden, the mendicant or pauper in the ally, or the weighed down coleague. The courtesy Abraham bestowed the trio of sojourners resulted in the aged birthing. The kindness lot had shown the duo that roamed into the city poised for doom paved way for his close shave escape. Perhaps one may need a new pair of shoes sized selfless.

A different shoe size

Tears ran down her cheeks, sobs were the rhyme of her grief, she sat coiled up trying to hide from the world as it were. I had just handed her my last fold of toilet paper, for I lacked an appropriate handkerchief, for her to wipe her train of tears. I had dared not ask what the matter was, till I was sure I had performed dutifully the 'ABCs' of consolation; allow as much time as possible for one to let it all out, lest   such drowns in his or her own sorrows, bequeath no more than you can handle, care for her immediate needs. If in an unfortunate case of advanced grief, I was inexperienced , my senses would be as it were inebriated. I had to keep all emotional vitals stable.
In a stroke of luck, Zack was in, the ever elated gentleman. "Hey  Tanya, hey  Vince, guess what. I got us extra large sized vegetarian pizza! And guess what, I got it at half the price apparently, since most of you guys prefer the meaty stuff, no offense,  there was plenty of the vegie stuff so I was offered at that beautiful, oh wait, pretty price. How's that nha?" He yelled as if walking in a room with dumb people, with ears decrepit. "Ssssh, Zack, please" I said, "Can't you see this is not the right time for your rattling. Tanya here is not too well" I added. He drew closer, and like a consultant that had come to the rescue of a novice junior medical resident,  He got some of the tissue I had given Tanya and wiped dry her cheeks, lifted her from the seat and gave her a long hug. I sat there as though I needed to take notes in my ward scribbling pad lest I'm faced with such a scenario in the OSCE and should regret the moment. I watched closely as he begun to sing out the consolation rubric as it were, "Hey Tanya, we are here, I'm here. We are not fine weather, rather, all weather friends and don't you ever think that's going to change today just because you are hurting. Now talk to me, what's the matter?"  For a while, Zack tried to negotiable for an 'openner' as one who would feign see the vessels for a canular. An audible hush then wisked in. Everyone was anesthetized into an awful silence. I wondered whether I would be in order to suggest 'we leave' her alone for a while, but alas, she spoke up. "I'm pregnant" she wispered. "I was about to shout, congratulations, but sanity pinched me by the ear and wisdom spoke in inaudible tones: words spoken in haste seldom carry any balm, perhaps a scarthing trail." I held peace as she proceeded, "It's not the way I planned it, I had kept my self all this while till I messed it all up." "Go on, we are listening."  Zack said. "Well, the child I'm carrying is not my fiance's. I had always  hoped I'd use the 'blessed' route before conceiving- a proper marriage!" Tanya said as  she lapsed back into another  derge. At this moment I wondered whether I should sympathize with her fiancé  too. How was he going to take the news?
This time I offered the napkins from the pizza tray as tear dryers. We requested her to continue after the flood had waned. "So you see, I'm a mess." She said.
Now Tanya was a flower in bloom. She was a marvel to behold. She, however never took pride in her form, for she was wise enough to know that a frame does not necessarily make a person whole, but the character with the frame, with emphasis on the former.  The latter attracts, while the former gives reason for one who has been caught by the web of charm to stick around long after the frame has faded, lost its lustre or altogether ebbed away. She never did use her frame to get herself undue favours, though one may confess, we did push her to use it one too many times for our advantage,  a little like the patriarch Abraham and the matriarch Sarah when they encountered a king in a land foreign. Though she would oft rebuke us for doing so, and soon we learnt to grant her due respect.
Over time, however,  she had gotten the attention of fine acquaintances.  In their presence, we appeared deam with respect to everything that seemed refined. They talked more of what they drove, while we talked about what  drove us, for we owned nothing worthy of mention, not to say we didnt love our little cranked vehicles. For a while she managed to keep them just as friends, and we would too associate with them. Perhaps there lucre would rub on to us. And as long as she was our pal, we received indirect contingencies; free tickets to this and that, invitations to garlas and balls. For she would not leave without her voices of reason, Zack amd I, though  at times defunct. Perhaps she was now in this mess due to our selfishness.
Her heart was won over by one of the fine young men. A man of enterprise and a character worthy of emulation. A polished young lad. She was not to him a trophy or another masterpiece in his galary, rather a partner, a helper and friend. Yet like an awe lamb that wandered from the fold, she nibbled her way into the latches
of misfortune.  An awful stipend for a wrong turn.
"What am I going to do now, how am I going to face my fiancé?" She said with deep agony. I was at a loss of words. "Should I even tell him? let me just abort." She added. I felt some chills go down my spine as I heard her plan to abort. Where had her morals gone. Did she not fear the law of the land, and if that wasn't good enough  did she not fear the one who owned our lives, the creator of life? I was ready to blast that thought out of her head, yet once again sanity saved me. "You know what, I've made up my mind , I'm going to abort- I can't bring this child into the world a shame." She said. I wondered how Zack kept cool in all this. Was he deaf to her speach? "Ok, Tanya" Zack said, " That you are pregnant is not a sin, neither a wrong nor a curse, it's a blessing, as odd as it may sound to your ears. That you where unfaithful was the sin, the wrong yet still not a curse. Should you abort, you will probably be adding a curse to the other two ills. Now I speak as one who has not directly experienced what you are going through, but I know you are a prodigy of good erudition and well know that one need not pass through misfortune or any experience for that matter to grapple with it and gain understanding. I will not suggest you bare the burden of keeping that child and neither will I suggest you rid yourself of it. May I suggest that you tell Harrison, your fiancé, what you have just told us. Don't expect too much from, save that he might receive the news with a weight of salt. Possibilities of outcomes are varied, don't lean on any, yet hope for some good riddens." He added as he looked sternly in her eyes, as if communicating in cues only they could comprehend. There was a piercing silence once again. Arrows of plain truth as from an archer's quiver seemed to be aimed in great number with non going amiss. "I will take the baby!" Zack spoke. His words seemed to echo in the room. "What, what do you mean?" Tanya and I spoke in concert. "Well, I mean just what I said. I will take the baby. If Harrison declines to take the child, and I will place no blame on him for that, or his biological father fails to own up, I will keep it as mine. As long as you don't get rid of it. I will adopt it. You can go own with your life and I will make sure you are free from any responsibility towards it." He added.
 I was awe struck. Either he was having a moment of insanity or he was the most caring person I had come to know. "Are you serious Zack?" Tanya asked with tears still rolling down her cheeks. "I can sign the paper work before you even go into labour so you are sure of it." He iterated. Tanya spoke in some gibberish "But, but, what if, you, me, my fiancé and..."   Zack quickly interrupted  "No buts, ifs or ands. I have decided to take up the care of your child. I guess my child now".
The papers were signed, ratified, for the othe two parties would not take responsibility. Zack was going to be a father having known no woman, and Tanya was freed from what nature had bestowed upon her. I dared not put myself in Tanya or Zack 's shoes. Perhaps they were a size different from mine. Yet one may glean lessons so precious, books fail to put them in writting.