Like a planetary body knocked out of its circuit, I wandered off my busy rut. I paved my way to a coccus of lads by the apartment balcony. I was soon lost in the canvas as I unconsciously weaved my way to take lead of the conversations that prevailed. The sun was setting, and in its departure, it seemed to have set in motion a cascade of beauty augmentation. I paused as I watched and directed everyone's attention to the 'mirage of beauty' that trailed the streaming rays of light with their golden shy. In a distance, a lady was seen walking along the side walk,on the other side of the road. In a moment, I seemed to have contracted a fixed gaze deformity as my eyes glared in awe. Was her form augmented in beauty by the setting sun too, was it a mirage? I did not dare keep in mind that which would becloud my mind, so I cast a blind eye ,looked away. Like it is said , 'out of sight ,out of mind'.
I had always held the thought that men ought to be emotionless, ice cold, rock hard-immovable perhaps . Like machines, men were to have a purpose fixed, with nothing to destruct. I had repented of my flow that had left me spelled bound at the sight of a supposed beauty laced damsel. I had committed a felony against my hard wired morals. That was not to have a repeat in action or thought. Of course this did not imply any lack of the human feelings of empathy, sympathy, the ethos of living. Perhaps, something of a shell with a hard casing with a soft center. I was still human.
With heavy perspiration on my brow, I had completed my days work in my unconventional office. One that required not less than several hours standing on end trying to probe into many a man's malady and somehow determine the course of a curative. I worked as one whose life was of little worth in comparison to those whose lives were at the brink, ready to turn ashen gray-to ebb away into peaceful, yet loathed silence. I had to be composed in the face of death and all the mourns and groans that would oddly be absent, and the 'over the roof' ululations that beckoned at every new arrival to life. The day's work was done, I had put many a piece together, sometimes torn to pieces myself, but I had learnt the art of a flat face when I could barely hold myself together. I checked out. I walked back to my apartment, not with a bright hue or ruddy face of the morn, but a worn out visage.
As I reached the staircase of the apartment, I beheld a lady in bright apparel walk gracefully unaccompanied, she walked past me with a courtesy 'Hi'. I retorted with 'Hey'. Perhaps I was not previewed to the meaning of such a plane, seamless greeting. Yet out of disinterested care, I asked, "Where are you headed to?" She smiled and replied,"I'm going to get a little something to chew on at the grocery store"As we parted ways, I exclaimed "and by the way, my name is Nkule, Nkule Kwesu!" She once again smiled, "I know you Nkule". I was getting a little uneasy, I wondered how she knew me and I did not. Sue was her name, and it happened that she was the lady I had seen while on the balcony, a number of days earlier.
In a betrayal of my good old code, my mouth spoke out of sync with my will, but before I could correct my erring attitude, Sue gladly accepted my request to escort her, ''Awww, that's so nice of you, I'd be glad if you did". I walked her to the store as though forced to swallow a bitter pill. Yet Sue was unmindful of my begrudged demeanor, in fact, by the time reached the store, she had me chuckling to jokes that did not even sense. The bitter pill had a sweet savoury center, it turned out.
That day my repose was different. I no longer rolled or tossed in bed screeming,' Vitals, pulses, check the RBS...or We are loosing him, or perhaps, secure the IV line!' I felt a different hue in the milieu.
One may be right to say I was entranced. In thought I begun to to concoct what may be termed the un-penned chapter of the classical book of song of songs, as it were, in my unwonted imagination: Poem to the beloved.
What are words my love, if they amount to naught. Would you have me move mountains to prove them, or perhaps cross the deep, sail the coasts , amass the greatest amount of wealth? Would you have me sing in sweetest note, sweeter than angels? If I had wings to fly, I would fly to you always. I would take you on a voyage of the unknown, wonders from the creator's hand. We would together seek the ends of the earth, to find where the sun lodges as it sets, or its bed as it awakens. We would seek out the storehouse of the wind, the clouds and the rain. And perhaps the rainbow too.
Where are you my love. My heart pants for you no less than a doe pants while in escape from a wolf. I own no mansion to pamper you. I own no army to protect you. I own nothing save a delicate garden with almonds, roses fare and rare. The vine and the pomegranate too. Come and share in the beauty of simplicity. Should you feel the need to cry, I have more than a shoulder to cry on, should you feel lonely, I have more than a heart to keep you company, should you feel cold, my arms a long enough to extend round you for warmth. Should you desire to laugh, It's good medicine, I practice it. If eternity be our lot , I would wish to spend it with you.
Oh that I would not be entranced by anything else. Oh that you would bless me with your love.
For the first time in ages I blushed. I had contracted a new friendship. I would now have reason to knock off in good time to check up on a new friend. But I dared not put myself on the spotlight, for I had fallen from the strength of a man as it were. I had associated myself with the caste of a different kind.
We laughed, we grieved and sometimes cut communication. We sometimes rubbed against each other so much that we felt it better that we each went our own way. Unlike machines that have a reduction in friction the more they rubbed against each other, humans, it seems have a direct increase in friction the more they rub against each other. Sometimes an index of incompatibility. However, more often than not, we swallowed the bitter pill offered us by pride ,and reconciled.
With time however, it was becoming apparent that Sue and I had walked off kilter in the same lane. She was well poised for success in life with pretty much all the amenities to get her to her goal in life. I on the other hand was a downtown lad, that had escaped or at least was trying to evade the 'plague' as it were. I was indebted to many to reach this far. Like many a lad that had to bare with the scruples of life, I was bent on making others happy and possibly proud, more than myself. Perhaps this too kept me aloof from creating any extra bonds with anyone, for how should I face them that patiently await my success at the end of the road? Sue had little to prove, all she needed was to graduate and get herself a job. Though we got along quite well, one could not help but notice the uneasiness that came with the reality that I was in the doldrums of life.
Soon the heaving earth was becoming apparent as the road between was widening. Perhaps a telling of a gruesome reality. Nature had wired our opposite caste to associate with a lad with propensity or ability to provide. And rightly so. However , I was never taught to belittle my capabilities. 'Aim high son' was not just a byword, it was the match word. Soon Sue left, headed to a land far out of reach. I sobbed. Not for distance in topography, but for distance in hearts.
I recounted the moments we spent together. My mind brought to memory the first meeting, a perfect rendezvous . And now like an arithmetical tangential line that comes to meet at a point, we met and now part. Perhaps we sometimes meet to part .
Happiness is momentary, enjoy it while it lasts. Joy is a principle, grow it, when all around is stale, it shall be the sunlight through the window.
Now i stand once more on the balcony of my apartment, not to gaze upon any form or being, but to breathe deep, to appreciate the barriers that separate us, and the road between that brings us close, knitting us into a fabric.
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